OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize