why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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