Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
