Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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