found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
