If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
