just tell him i said nine months
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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