Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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