I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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