just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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