This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
