either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
