The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
