I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
