Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
