Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
