I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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