She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The uberlube is also flammable
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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