I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So. Much. Porn.
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