apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
