If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
