Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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