summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
