k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
worst night to have a conscience
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
