I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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