They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
