She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
