I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
