I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
