And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So much rum. So many feels.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
