you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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