you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
