; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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