I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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