I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
