I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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