i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize