I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
