Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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