Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
