She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
