Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
