I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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