I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
