dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
