I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
