i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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