He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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