Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
