He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
