When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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