Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
