just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
