oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
