My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
