I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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