She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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