Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
