Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
