i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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