I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
be right there i have to get my cape
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
