Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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