u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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