quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
