Umm I'm too high to move.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
