if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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