My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
