it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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