I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
