maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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