even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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