it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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