she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
