shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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