honey bunches of taint.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
