Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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