I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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