Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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