mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
