You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
