Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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