you didnt know i had herpes?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
