The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
