Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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