dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
